you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
