You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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