I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
