The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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