wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
