I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
