some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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