sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
