My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
