i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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