I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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