Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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