Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize