i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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