We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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