Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
