My liver just broke up with me...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
