I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
