remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
