well you can't waste a boner
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
