And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
