end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
