My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
