I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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