we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
As shirtless as possible
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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