I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
