I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
