I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
