I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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