How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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