Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
