It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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