And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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