chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
