Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
