Sry I called you an 8
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
