You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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