I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
