Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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