hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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