I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
