I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
