Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize