can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize