i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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