I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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