I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
