I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
