The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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