Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
