From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They took my balls.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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