Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
