my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
