I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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