The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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