You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
