Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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