I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
