Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
