my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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