OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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