I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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