Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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