Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
