Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
