i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
