my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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