Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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