as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
