Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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