I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my poor anus
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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