I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
