hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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