There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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