there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
